Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas... tree?

The holidays are upon us which means lights, ornaments, trees, presents and a shit ton of family. While driving Gigi home the other night after dinner, she had 2 vodka tonics, we were stopped at a red light across from her building. “Look at the all green Christmas tree!” she exclaimed. I looked and looked and couldn’t see it. “It’s right there. A tree with all green lights. And it looks like a ladder underneath it.”

After further review I asked her if she was looking at the green light of the street light. “No, we have a red light. That’s a green Christmas tree.” After a deeper explaination that the opposite direction of traffic had a different color signal then us she conceded that is was in fact the stop light and not an all green lit Christmas tree with a tall ladder.

The Whistling “Wind” on Christmas Eve

As you may have noticed, my family doesn’t always have the most normal conversations. So that goes without saying that Gigi’s house on Christmas might be crazier. 11 of us crammed into her 2 bedroom condo after day drinking at the Bears game? She stayed home and pounded Bloody Mary’s until 8pm.

As the night progressed my sister’s “British” accent reared it’s ugly head. It kind of sounds like a poverty stricten, piss drunk Londoner’s just had too many popsicles and their tongue has gone numb. Since filters don’t apply, out came “twatwaffle” which was then repeated by my mother on multiple occasions and somehow evolved into her yelling out “What’s a queef? What! Is! A! Queef?!?” Hopefully there is some inheritence to pay for my nieces and nephews therapy. Merry Christmas Eve! #dadwouldbeproud (or rolling in his grave)

A li'l mazel and a lot of manishewitz!

Gigi is becoming much more comfortable at her new senior village and also expanding her horizons. She recently went to an interfaith ceremony with a Rabbi and has asked my brother what her budget would be for her Bat Mitzvah. 

Don't believe? Here is the text exchange.  Mazel tov! 

Setting Up Wireless

Gigi is back online! Her Wi-Fi has been setup and her new network and password is active. In order to remember these items she decided to write them down. However, they may have been some confusion on how you actually spell Wi-Fi... Please see exhibit A below. 

Catching Up

So it's been a while and I'm sorry about that... But it looks like Gigi has a lot of catching up to do as well! Since I last post she was moving to Arizona in mid-July. Because who doesn't want to move to the desert in the middle of summer and return to the brisk Midwest in mid-February? First task? Connect her iPad to her Wi-Fi so she can check her AOL emails. Looks like someone's going to be busy!

Too Many Dogs

Gigi recently posted the above picture on Facebook to share her love of her dogs. There's a few problems... That is not Biscuit. Biscuit is a 65 lbs Golden Retriever.

It is her newest dog, Happy. He is a boy.  His head is almost as big as his body so I'm shocked he doesn't fall forward more often. He is also the dumbest dog I've ever met. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge dog person and he's super sweet! But he is just not smart.  

Bon Voyage

Well it is finally happening. Gigi is leaving the Midwest for the 250,000 degree "dry heat" of the Arizona desert. Her movers recently arrived to pack up a portion of her belongs. She isn't fully moving down there so a number of items were to stay in her current home. Two of those items included the clothing she would wear over the next 2 weeks before she herself officially moved and her 10-15 heavy winter coats. All of which were packed and sent on their way. 

When reviewing her pile of odds and ends she wanted to bring we noticed the following things:

- Pickle relish - one just don't know if they have pickle relish in Arizona!

- Aluminum foil

- Rainbow shot glass - that she stole from my house

- A turkey baster - we haven't let her cook a turkey in 5+ years 

- A cheese grader

- 4 bottles of unopened hair care products 

- A food processor without a top